The Superdome is getting a makeover and that includes a new ‘do.
The planned $450 million renovation was unveiled last week, giving a glimpse of the stadium’s future. But according to a source who passed back and forth and back and forth by a closed-door meeting, he swears he heard the muffled discussion say the state is gearing up for a new sponsor to take over from Mercedes-Benz once its current deal expires. That preparation reportedly includes among other options putting in a new retractable roof, which has become popular among bloodsucking billionaire owners in the modern NFL.
According to the source, the public will get to vote on which roof design they like best for the Dome, which is expected to have renovations completed when the new interstate ramp to the airport is done, so by like 2080.
The source snuck some cellphone pictures of the new designs and sent them to Neutral Ground News.
The Daiquiri Dome
Sponsored by the highly popular Mandeville-based Fat Tuesday/New Orleans Original Daiquiris, this design features a translucent flat top with an “X” like opening and an airflow suction system at the center. It will also have the ability to close by activating the state-of-the-art masking extension.
“Basically, a piece of tape,” the source said. “Everyone has heard of retractable roofs. That’s so 2017. Retapeable is the future.”
The tape will be removed during good weather days for fan enjoyment. When inspection officials are near, the tape can quickly be reapplied to the top, making the Dome comply with all alcohol laws.
This design, sponsored by Terminix, allows for a breeze to cool off the Superdome while also keeping out mosquitoes during the Saints’ Sunday and Monday night football games.
The screen door would span the entire width of the Dome roof, minus a couple of spaces in the corners that have worn away and maintenance people will get around to fixing one day. Architects estimate that the netting will keep out 99.9 percent of mosquitos from entering the Dome, but one or two will likely fly in when the roof is being opened or closed and those bugs will ruin the game for everyone.
A favorite among school children who get A’s on their report card and are rewarded with a Coke/Strawberry mixture, the Icee top features a large, mostly clear dome with a wide opening at the top.
The clear top would give fans a sheeny view of the city and sky during games. In keeping with Icee tradition, a waterfall system will be installed around the perimeter of the top allowing a variety of watercolors to flow seamlessly over the sides of the Dome.
The Snoball Box
This design is one part snoball, one part Chinese food takeout, and all parts New Orleans.
Sponsored by Plum Street Snoballs, the top of the Dome will feature four pieces of metal that can be folded down or opened up, resembling a Chinese takeout box or a snoball cup in many New Orleans favorite stands.
The source says this design would be the most secure when the next hurricane strikes the New Orleans metro area. However, they added like the real boxes, the little clasp on one side of the roof will inevitably break after the first time being opened and will never be able to close again.
Looking to penetrate the lucrative $76 billion American sports industry and grow its name in the United States, the British condoms brand Durex was strongly considering throwing its Jimmy hat in the ring. The design would call for an expandable roof made of flexible, space-age material that could easily adapt and expand, instantly increasing interior space to accommodate events of any size.
UPDATE: Durex has pulled out of discussions as its board reportedly no longer considers the investment attractive enough to warrant such a significant, long-term commitment.
He may no longer physically be with us, but the late Saints owner Tom Benson is still everywhere with his name on just about any and everything. Adding to that list is the Boogie Dome, a tribute to Mr. Benson that incorporates his trademark dance during happy moments in Saints history.
This design features a large ornate umbrella over the open Dome. After a Saints victory, the umbrella, which will be supported by a large mechanical arm will bob up and down as fans make their way down Poydras Avenue. Tom’s wife and current owner of the franchise, Gayle Benson, would buy the naming rights, pay herself that money, and then lease the name to the state for a nominal fee much like the arrangement Louisiana has for Benson Tower.
Looking to grow their brands internationally, the city’s Department of Public Works along with the Sewerage & Water Board of New Orleans has earmarked $400 million in new taxes and fees to hire a consulting firm that will look into conducting a study for the possibility of potentially considering to lease naming rights of the Superdome. The S&WB’s billing system has selected Uptown resident John Perkins to receive the invoice.
According to Mayor LaToya Cantrell, she would like the design to offer an “iconic, timeless look.” The design calls for a barricade-styled cover over an open-air “pothole-like” Superdome that warns all opponents that enter to prepare for a “bumpy, messy ride.”
Mercedes-Benz has remained on as the title sponsor of the Louisiana Superdome despite inking a 27-year deal in 2015 to secure the naming rights to the anustadium in Atlanta, Georgia, for the NFL’s Falcons. However, the auto manufacturer is not expected to renew its deal with the New Orleans Saints which was put into place in 2011 and breaks down in 2021.
The source said he did not hear when officials plan on unveiling the designs to the public for viewing and voting but did save 15% by switching his car insurance to Geico.