A Louisiana judge has ruled that NFL Commissioner and anti-Christ Roger Goodell and three of his henchmen can be questioned under oath about the “call not heard around the world” that propelled the Los Angeles Rams over the New Orleans Saints in January’s NFC title game.
The proceedings, which will be televisioned as Gotohell and three officials from that game must answer questions about the infamous missed pass interference call, is being hailed by locals as what will be the greatest moment in the history of history.
In anticipation of watching Goodell flail around like a rich, evil toddler throwing a temper tantrum, thousands of New Orleanians have begun organizing massive “watch parties” that city permit officials who are determined to make a buck off this however they can say are beginning to look like Mardi Gras and Jazz Fest rolled into one.
“I’m expecting every single person I know to show up, even Who Dats who have passed on — because ain’t no way they’re gonna pass on this dead or not,” said Harahan resident Stephanie Riggs, who noted she has already started installing grandstands for the event and is now carefully choosing the projector and screen or TV that will vividly showcase Goodell’s moment in the spotlight.
“Right now, my preferred option is that new, massive 16K TV so we can see every drop of sweat, venom, pee stain, and any pieces of spinach in his teeth but I’m still weighing all the options. Money is no object at this point because I mean, this will be like the next best thing to the Saints going the Super Bowl.”
The lawsuit, which claims Goodell is actually a slimy, giant ground slug and unfit to run a lemonade stand much less an international corporation like the NFL, specifically names the commissioner as being ultimately responsible for the “egregious officiating” that cost the Black and Gold a chance at the team’s second Super Bowl.
State Civil District Court Judge Nicole Sheppard of New Orleans ruled that Goodell and his lackeys will appear in court this September for depositions and show her that he (Goodell) does not leave a trail of slimy slug goo when he walks, as one of the plaintiffs, attorney T-Tom Boudreaux III, alleges.
“New Orleanians can make a good time out of anything, including layoffs and funerals, it’s what we do,” said Saints fan Javon Cross. “For this, we won’t even have to try or lift a finger really. It’s like sit back, have a beer, and let the fun come to you.”
A ‘mega watch party’ will be held in the Mercedes Benz Superdome sponsored by a guy who will only identify himself “Drew.” It is already sold out.
Another enterprising man in Metairie is selling “Salt The Slug” products online, and it is almost impossible to find salt on local store shelves.