With New Orleans’ infrastructure crumbling faster than a tourist on Bourbon Street and GiveNOLA Day, a one-day online charity drive, looming on May 7th, there’s a golden opportunity to donate to your favorite dysfunctional city.
Mayor LaToya Cantrell has expressed determination to secure additional funding for the city’s ailing infrastructure, a pivot from her earlier praise, following a significant setback and funding shortfall for one of the Sewerage & Water Board’s recent projects, prompting her to launch a new initiative.
According to a draft press release discovered in a dumpster behind City Hall, New Orleans is tripling the fees of red light, speed, and school zone camera tickets this Tuesday on GiveNOLA Day to help fund both the cash-strapped Sewerage & Water Board and replenishing the travel funds for our esteemed city officials. In a curiously scratched-out paragraph marked “not needed,” there was mention of lowering speed thresholds for the cameras but no indication of what the new limit would be
“We’re committed to giving the people of New Orleeands the best, starting with their own contributions,” Mayor Cantrell declared with unwavering confidence.
Red light and speed cameras are already a beloved source of revenue for the city, acting like tiny vacuums sucking up residents’ hard-earned cash. But Mayor Cantrell’s plan takes things to a whole new level as the city aims to secure yet-to-be-determined millions by tripling the fees of every ticket a driver gets as “donations.” On GiveNOLA Day, every camera will be switched on including those previously deactivated. School zone cameras will also be turned on even if the students are out for the summer.
“We have a giving culture here in New Orleans, and our people’s generosity knows no bounds,” Cantrell remarked. “Last year’s GiveNOLA Day broke records with $7.8 million raised. But with our new initiative, that’s just the tip of the cashberg.”
“We have a culture of giving in New Orleans and our people’s generosity knows no bounds,” Cantrell remarked. “Last year’s GiveNOLA Day broke records with $7.8 million raised. But with our new initiative, that’s just the tip of the cashberg.”
Predictably, critics aren’t throwing confetti at this idea. They highlight the city’s track record of financial missteps and lackluster achievements. “If I could donate them a one-way ticket out of town, believe me, I would,” grumbled Uptown resident John Bialas. “But hey, you’ve got to hand it to them for their creativity in lining their own pockets.”
One thing’s for sure: GiveNOLA Day will run from 12:01 AM to midnight on May 7th — and probably indefinitely for the cameras. We’ll have to wait for the crumpled-up draft press release not announcing it.