Reasons why the Saints will win Super Bowl LIII: No. 9 won’t really surprise you but you should read this anyway

New Orleans Saints - Super Bowl LIII - Neutral Ground News

Louisiana Satire Network - Baton Rouge news, New Orleans news, Lafayette news, Houma news, Shreveport news, Louisiana news

The New Orleans Saints are absolutely going to win Super Bowl LIII at Atlanta’s Mercedes-Benz Stadium in 2019.

How do we at Neutral Ground News, the most trusted news source in New Orleans, know? What inside information could we possibly have that all the experts do not?

Well, we crunched the math. Hard. Like driving through a Lakeview pothole hard. And everyone knows that numbers don’t lie, just the words around them.

Granted, after seeing we still aren’t any better at doing math than we were in elementary school, we eventually gave the information over to our vice president/head janitor, Dan Gleesac, who likes finding hidden messages in numbers kind of like in the movie The Number 23.

Gleesac instantly knew there was something there and just needed a little more time to polish it up. After 12 hours, 10 shots, 15 beers, and a whole lot of crying, he reported what we were expecting: The Saints will win Super Bowl LIII in 2019 because the numbers say so. What numbers exactly? Repeating numbers, specifically, the number nine.

“In numerology, the number 9 is the last single digit and brings the end of the cycle. It symbolizes fruition, fulfillment, culmination and closure, encouraging us to reflect and integrate.”

The Neutral Ground News Data Team found that the number nine presents itself as a repeating message forming arrows that point to the one called Breesus.

• The year is 2019
• The Saints finished the season with a record of 13-3: 1x3x3=9
• Drew Brees wears jersey number 9
• The Saints defense had 969 total tackles and 49 sacks
• The Saints offense rushed for 2025 yards: 2+0+2+5 = 9
• Owner Tom Benson passed away prior to the season at the age of 90
• Punter Thomas Morstead punted the ball for a total of 1996 yards.
• The Saints won their first Super Bowl during the magically illogical 2009 season
• Super Bowl LIII is the 49th modern-era NFL championship game
• The Saints offense averaged scoring 31.5 points per game: 3+1+5=9
• Running backs Mark Ingram (#22) and Alvin Kamara (#41) combine to form one of the most lethal rushing attacks in the league and add up 2+2+4+1=9
• There are 9 letters in the name Drew Brees
• Drew is 39-years-old
• Receiver Michael Thomas caught 9 touchdowns
• It’s been 9 seasons since the Saints last won a Super Bowl
• The Saints offense scored 504 (!) points during the regular season: 5+0+4=9
• This is the 99th season in NFL history
• Kicker Will Lutz made 28 field goals worth 3 points each: The Falcons blew a 28-3 Super Bowl lead (not related to the number 9 but always a good fact to remember)

What kind of Deep State, Illuminati, FitzMagic mumbo jumbo is this? Well, here’s where things get even more interesting.

According to Gematria, a method of finding numerical relationships in the texts, a name, word or phrase is assigned a numerical value based on its letters.

Think that doesn’t mean anything? Well, it’s ancient stuff. And as we all learned in 2012, ancient people knew a lot about modern society and are always right.

Gematria originated as an ancient Assyro-Babylonian-Greek system of alphanumeric code or cipher that was later adopted into Jewish culture. Now, here shows something interesting: When decoded in Simple Gematria, the name Drew Brees equals 99.

 Reasons why the Saints will win Super Bowl: No. 9 won't really surprise you but you should read this anyway

Best of all, what do you get when decoding the name of the city hosting Super Bowl LIII? You get 69. Take that for what it’s worth.

 Reasons why the Saints will win Super Bowl: No. 9 won't really surprise you but you should read this anyway

It might be the glue we sniffed talking, but we believe in spooky shit like this so we’re convinced the Saints win Super Bowl LIII this year. Still don’t believe us? Then check this out: 10 similarities between the 2018 Saints and the 2009 Super Bowl run.

Y'all Discuss

Read previous post:
New Krewe of Parents parade to throw tons of crap they want out of the house
Krewe of Parents parade to throw tons of crap they want out of the house

Promising to sling a record-setting amount of throws this Mardi Gras, members of Metairie's Krewe of Parents have cleared their...

Close