Pelicans Star Herb Jones Named to All-Defensive First Team a Whopping 5 Times

Kylie Osullivan

In a move that left the NBA scratching their heads, New Orleans Pelicans forward Herb Jones has been selected to the All-Defensive Team not once, not twice, but a whopping five times, taking up all the available slots.

Jones, the 25th pick of the second round in the 2021 NBA draft, has quickly established himself as a defensive phenom, with a 7-foot wingspan that seems to cover every inch of the court.

“I mean, have you seen this guy play defense?” said Pelicans teammate Larry Nance Jr. “It’s like he’s got a force field around him or something. He can guard anyone from a point guard to a power forward, and he does it all with a smile on his face, figuratively.”

However, not everyone is happy with Jones’ All-Defensive First Team sweep. Critics have accused Boote Krewe Media and Neutral Ground News of being biased towards the Pelicans’ star and ignoring other deserving candidates.

“Are you kidding me?” said one NBA analyst. “There’s no way Herb Jones should be taking up all five spots. What about Jrue Holiday? Rudy Gobert? Or Draymond Green? This is ridiculous. LeBron should have at least four of those spots.”

The inaugural Boot Krewe Media / Neutral Ground News All-Defensive Team, which sources say is totally way more respected than the NBA’s All-Defensive Team list because it’s free from the politics and biases that plague the NBA team selection process. There’s no room for politics when you’re dealing with the hard-hitting journalists of New Orleans. And let’s face it, the NBA All-Defensive Team selectors are a bunch of suits who probably couldn’t tell the difference between a pick and roll and a booger flinger.

Some have even accused Boote Krewe Media and Neutral Ground News of playing favorites with the Pelicans.

“Clearly, someone’s got a crush on Herb Jones,” said one rival player, who wished to remain anonymous. “I mean, five times? Come on.”

Despite the criticism, Jones seems to be taking his All-Defensive First Team honors in stride.

“I’m just trying to do my job out there on the court,” he said in a statement. “If that means taking up all five slots on the All-Defensive First Team, then so be it. But I know there are plenty of other great defenders out there, and I’m just happy to be recognized alongside me, me, me, and me.”

Dan Gleesac, one of the selectors for the Boote Krewe Media / Neutral Ground News All-Defensive Team and Neutral Ground News’ sports editor, said he had never had an easier time making a decision in his life other than when he chose to get married or so his wife tells him.

“Herb Jones is a tremendous defensive talent who is only getting better, which is a scary thought,” Gleesac said. “I took one and it was like fate was guiding me to the answer. Number five (Herb’s jersey). Five slots. Done. All on Herb.”

At press time, sources close to Boote Krewe Media and Neutral Ground News have hinted that they may consider adding a “Herb Jones Defensive Player of the Year” award to their list of accolades because, hey they’re media so why not?

Congratulations, Herb!