On the heels of last weekend’s major rainstorm, Mayor Mitch Landrieu says he can now solve the issue of the city’s poorly maintained streets.
After returning from a totally just business trip to Venice, Italy, earlier this summer, Landrieu said he conceived an idea of how to best handle the crumbling roadways throughout the city — by flooding them. As a test of his new vision for the Crescent City, last Saturday the Mayor sent all the Sewerage & Water Board employees home during an 8-inch rain event.
According to a spokesman for the Mayor’s office today, Landrieu couldn’t be more pleased with the results.
“He’s ecstatic,” said Amibad Fasur, a spokesman for the Mayor’s office. “The streets filled better than expected. We need to live in harmony with the water, not fight or try to contain it.”
This is the second test the Mayor has conducted this summer, and, the first time he has revealed his plan of action to the public.
“Mitch Landrieu is the only New Orleans Mayor to ever lead the fight against global warming, er, climate change; and this is a great first step. He felt this was the right time to share his plans since so many people had questioned him and other officials about the pumps,” Fasur continued.
“Just look at all the positives. If we flood all New Orleans streets, we will make a major dent in our carbon footprint by eliminating cars, finally taking responsibility for our role in climate change. And you can’t have drive-by shootings from a pirogue, so crime goes down. Potholes instantly become a thing of the past. People stop bitching about catch basins. Folks could fish right off their porch, so no more ‘food deserts’ or driving to the store. Gondola rides become a thing. The City saves tons of money by eliminating large parts of the S&WB and the Department of Public Works entirely. It also positions the Mayor, er, us for a brighter future as we turn 300.
In response to critics who said the flooding showed the incompetence of the Landrieu Administration, the Mayor reportedly told supporters that the critics were many of the same people who opposed taking down the Confederate statues.
Said a confidant of the Mayor: “Mitch said you just can’t please those people. They’re stuck in the past and they can’t stand change.”
After the success of this latest test, the Mayor will propose at the next City Council meeting that the S&WB pumps be shut off permanently, along with the large pump stations along Lake Pontchartrain that the Federal Government just spent $300 million constructing.
The Mayor’s spokesman said his Climate Change Task Force is also studying innovative flooding ideas such as cutting holes in the levees along the Industrial Canal and the 17th Street Canal while also having everyone leave their garden hoses on overnight.