The number of maskless Mississippians is increasing and causing fear for others.
The longtime relationship between the backend states of Mississippi and Louisiana has traditionally been very close and cooperative but is becoming strained as opposing strategies for overcoming COVID-19 butt heads.
Gearing up for what could be the toothoff of all toothoffs, some hawkish Louisiana citizens are creating blockades with coronavirus-sniffing alligators at the state’s borders in response to COVID-19 protective measures being relaxed in the neighboring state creating a wave of ‘maskless Mississippians.’
A band of vigilantes calling themselves “The Booters” is planning checkpoints in St. Tammany Parish and Orleans Parish in an effort to keep maskless Mississippians from visiting Louisiana indefinitely.
“Dem Mississipps ain’t bringin’ dere dirty here, no,” Booters leader Sgt. Vic Moreau said. “We turnin’ all dem around and sendin’ dem right back to der dirt roads. Dey need to know der place, and it’s behind us (Louisiana) at 50th.”
When asked if he’s concerned visitors from Mississippi will wear masks only for checkpoints but immediately take them off once getting through, Moreau said his group is aware of the switcheroo tactic.
“We’ll ask everyone to remove der masks for a moment so we can count der teeth, and anything more than 5 missing tooths automatically gets sent packin’.”
According to the Moreau, each “Booters” squad is equipped with up to a dozen specially trained, coronavirus-sniffing alligators that provide additional security and will immediately chomp down on and detain any infected individuals.
“If dey (Mississippians) got it (COVID-19), our gators’ll get ’em.”
The checkpoints reportedly will be at Interstate 10, Interstate 12, Interstate 59, and Old Highway 90, though the group refuses to officially announce anything.
“Old-timers from Biloxi, Gulfport, and Bay St. Louis like to take Old 90. Dat’s da’ Jayne Mansfield Highway,” Moreau said. “We got a feeling dos’ folks will use Old 90 ta try ta sneak der way through, sayin’ dey actually was from New Orleans or somethin’. The Booters ain’t ‘The Welcomers.'”
When Mississippi lifted its mask update on March 3, it raised concerns among Greater New Orleans residents.
“’Bienvenue en Louisiane’ is hereby changed to ‘Nowantyou en Louisiane,’” concerned Uptown resident Cassadee Brannigan told Neutral Ground News. Though, Brannigan said she is willing to overlook any transgression and won’t mind if they go straight to and stay in Metairie without stopping.
The biggest and most obvious concern is that an influx of maskless Mississippians might obliterate Phase 3 of the COVID-19 recovery in Louisiana.
“We don’t want them maskless Mississippians around our restaurants, our shops, our Lenten fish fries, our rounds of ammunition, or our opioids,” Moreau said.
None of the Booters members have prior law enforcement experience, but Moreau said the group is highly skilled in keeping people and things from progressing and has official authorization.
“We sent da’ money envelope ta Baton Rouge and got da’ all-clear. We good ta go.”
As for Louisiana’s western border, Moreau said his group will not be restricting visitors from Texas despite some local opposition.
“Look at da’ map. Da’ boot is only kickin’ Mississippi and ya’ can’t argue with Gawd’s direction, no matter how gooda friends ya’ are.”