Elon Musk, building his own “The Onion,” partners with Louisiana to reach nation’s lowest common denominator

Don Kiebels

Visionary Elon Musk knows that if you want to reach the top you have to work your way up from the bottom. That’s reportedly why the serial entrepreneur has his sights set on the shit show known as Louisiana, investing heavily in the state’s laughing-stock.

The Tesla and SpaceX CEO is creating a new media company similar to The Onion with a humorous and sarcastic twist that aims to cross all spectrums and become a favorite of Internet dwellers.

To do this, Musk hopes to develop content that resonates with the absolute lowest common denominator reader and is looking to Louisiana, which consistently ranks 49th and 50th nationally in whatever you’ve got, to be the project’s launching point.

“It’s pretty obvious that comedy is the next frontier after electric vehicles, space exploration, and brain-computer interfaces, and Louisiana is a pioneer,” Musk noted while pointing out the state’s shape hilariously resembles a toilet and starts Louisiana off with a joke before anyone even says anything.

According to inside sources, Musk is in talks to partner with the Louisiana Satire Network, a reputable sounding alliance of dirt-poor media organizations that includes Baton Rouge’s The Red Shtick, Lafayette’s The Daily Crawfish, Houma’s The Push Pole, New Orleans’ Neutral Ground News, and Shreveport’s The Crayfish News. Combined, these outlets reach all 21,000 literate people in Louisiana and close to four million of the state’s 4.6 million total residents.

“Louisiana is filled to the brim with comedy gold,” said Musk, who has acquired nearly all the state’s laughing-stock. “By 2030, my research team projects comedy will be their biggest money-maker, easily overtaking energy, tourism, and corruption.”

According to a quick Google search performed during lunch break, the Louisiana Satire Network is the only one of its kind in the entire nation and provides an incredible platform for reaching a substantial number of people who absolutely love to laugh, mainly to stop from crying.

In building his newest venture, Elon Musk managed to get Editor in Chief Cole Bolton and Executive Editor Ben Berkley to leave The Onion and join him for the ride.

“To be successful, we need to reach the nation’s lowest common denominator and Louisiana is as low as you can go — in fact, the state is sinking, so it really makes sense,” Bolton said. “We’re extremely excited to work with the hacks of Louisiana Satire Network. Bottoms up!”

Don Kiebels, the Editor in Chief and Snappy Dresser of New Orleans based Neutral Ground News, thinks the partnership’s success will run as deep as his city’s potholes.

“The Louisiana Satire Network created the industry standard for laughs. If it works here, it can work anywhere,” Kiebels said.

Jeremy White, the publisher of The Red Shtick, shared his colleague’s sentiment and believes there is real potential to change the future.

“We’re proud to partner with Mr. Elon Musk on this worthwhile project,” said White. “If an alleged billionaire can become president by catering to the lowest common denominator, imagine what a real billionaire can accomplish by doing the same.”

According to inside sources, Mississippi came in a close second to Louisiana for landing the partnership. However, Musk was unable to locate the state for a visit, instead only finding a nondescript Land Mass between New Orleans and Mobile.

Mr. Musk: Contact/throw cash at the Louisiana Satire Network here.